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My Enlightened Shadow-Side

So I was listening to a meditation this morning (no, don’t worry, I’m not going to get all enlightened on you. For one, I don’t know how. For two, well, just refer back to one) and it talked about opening up to our dark sides, the areas of our lives we’d rather not look at…our Shadow-Side. And in doing so, we would be modeling a way for others in bringing our darkness into the light. And I thought to myself, I do that all the time! Look at me, I’m an enlightened soul! Okay, not so much. But it did get me thinking a little and wondering why exactly I feel so compelled to point out my flaws, my screw ups, my stupid assumptions all over facebook and now on this blog. And when it comes down to it, I write it because those are the funny bits. Those are the parts of my life that make me laugh (and this is all about me remember, so if it makes ME laugh, I’m putting it on here. Who cares about you! Okay, I’m kidding. I couldn’t even let that go without a disclaimer. Definitely an overactive need-to-please gland…). But getting back to things: my flaws, my screw ups, those are what makes me, well, me. They’re what make me quirky and funny and sometimes annoying and sometimes endearing, depending who you talk to. And isn’t that true for all of us? […]

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Huxley

Did anyone else catch the not so commonly used expression I used at the end of my last blog post? I sure as hell didn’t. As far as I was concerned, there are red-bellied cowards. Aren’t they the only kind? Yeah, until I was informed that the saying is yellow-bellied…Yellow! Whoops. But my screw up makes sense if you know me. I am the type of person who counts eggs before they hatch, not chickens, because why would you count chickens? Just as you should not keep all those aforementioned eggs in one basket. Or, in my case, do not keep all your fish in one basket. Because, who doesn’t keep their fish in baskets? Yes, that’s right. I said that. I have also hit the hammer on the nail and the head on the hammer, things have cost me an arm and a foot, I have barked up the wrong forest, I have beat around the roses,  I have seen the tiger in the room, not an elephant, because really, how could an elephant even get through the door? All of these and more have acquired me the nickname Huxley, for those of you who can even remember that movie (If you don’t, go watch it, it’s so good! If you like that kind of thing. Again, that’s only my opinion.). Demolition Man, circa 1993, with Sylvestor Stallone and Sandra Bullock, who plays this do-gooder cop who loves all the phrases and expressions […]

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Into the Belly of A Doughnut, or, Randi Jo is a Big Fat Coward

For lack of a better way to put this, I have had some major sinus problems lately. Like stuffy, runny nose all. the. time. Like for months (yes, this problem makes me revert to teen-speak, like, it’s that bad). Really though, it’s driving me crazy. I practically had a trip to Mexico planned to have my teeth removed and implants put in because my top teeth hurt so bad until my dentist suggested the pain may be from my sinuses and not the fact that I have the teeth of a baby inside my adult head. Not only did I nearly have perfectly good body parts removes because of my stuffy nose, but I’m starting to look like the Living Walking Dead, by which I mean my skin is not rotting and peeling off my body and I can mostly walk in a functional manner, but my eyes are so black I could pass as a zombie. At one point a friend saw me without undereye makeup and shrieked, “Do you have a blood disorder?” Yeah, it was lovely. Finally having enough of this, I decided to go back to the doctor and whine and complain until he decided to finally do something about this (besides giving me some kind of nasal spray that felt like tiny darts impaling themselves across the front of my forehead). He sent me for a CT scan. I have never had a CT scan before and I […]

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Shouting Into the Void

I have not published a blog in a long time. And when it comes down to it, my blog posts have been very few. This was because I had it in my head that I needed to be witty, or funny, or informative in order to follower in the footsteps of other bloggers and write something that others wanted to actually read. Like those blogs that teach you things, or help inspire you to live a better life, or are expertly written to provide its followers with a plethora of information they would not have received otherwise. I am not an expert…on anything. Neither am I particularly witty, funny, or intelligent (I’m not stupid, but I am rather average. Nothing special there), I  just happen to like words and the sound of my own voice. So instead of waiting for some kind of theme to thread its way through my posts, I’ve decided to go on without one. This will now become my platform to yell into the void, to shout at the universe all the words jumbling about inside my head. Take it or leave it, but this is what it has to be. I am a writer and I just want to write. Follow me or don’t follow me, I will continue my cries! Which leaves me with nothing. Nothing except my visit to the dentist this morning. Ah! And that’s when you all leave. Because who wants to hear about anyone’s visit to the […]

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Why the Hell Do I Do This?

The writing life is hard. Being a writer is a lonely job. Getting published is almost impossible. Ways to avoid the slush pile. Agents decline hundreds of queries each week. Who do you think you are? All of these are just tiny snippets of thoughts that run through my head every single time I sit down at my computer. And then, if I look to writing books and blogs as inspiration, I again meet those same arguments and worse. There is nothing I have ever come across in my readings on writing and the writing life that have been totally positive. No one has said, “We are so excited you want to be a writer! It’s a great life and a great journey and everything comes up roses!” Why is that? Why is this such a negative industry to get your start in? Because it is, I guess. I mean, I’ve barely brushed the surface. A few blog entries, another blog I can’t seem to figure out how to connect to this one from years ago, unfinished manuscripts, finished but terrible manuscripts, many book ideas and starts, tand two rejections until I decided to quit, only because I went back to find that my book was not ready, not even near ready and so the editing has begun. Editing that does not ever seem like it will be done. Editing that one day is great, where I read a chapter and […]

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Hopeless

So, I sat down to write a blog about digs. Not archaeological digs or wellsite digs, but personal ones. You know, those little comments and jabs that get put out there by people to cut you down but that are too subtle or quiet or twisted to be able to actually call them on the insult. But then something happened. What, you ask? It’s embarrassing, but I forgot the website of my blog. Can you believe it? Yes. I’m that much of an idiot that I forgot my very own blog’s website. That’s what happens when you start something then take three weeks off (for holidays, caring of children, laziness, summer… all the stuff that gets in the way of what you really want to do). And the funny thing is, the dig I got this morning was from a woman who was making some kind of comment on how I was put together and ready to go this morning. Ha! If she only knew! And that’s the problem, isn’t it? We don’t know. We never know. It is impossible to truly know what is happening inside another person and yet, we judge them. Why else would we make those little digs to cut them down but to try to make ourselves feel better for the perceived inadequacies that some part of another person has helped bring to the surface. That woman was bitter and jealous at me because I, […]

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Argh!

I have re-read and re-written the same paragraph about fifteen times in the past half an hour. Why? Am I struggling to get that perfect word and just can’t find it? Putting those final touches on what will soon be an epic paragraph, one that will be underlined and quoted for many years to come? No. I’m trying to work at my kitchen table while the rest of my family goes on about their lives. Which means that my kids are arguing and crying, whining and wandering, one keeps popping her head around my laptop and reading over my shoulder, one is needing things from his bath, and they’re both incapable of keeping quiet for a minimum of thirty seconds. They are asking to play video games, asking to watch TV, asking where things are. And do you think they notice that I am frustrated and trying to concentrate on my computer screen? No. Why? Because they are children. And children have no idea there’s another world in existence that might not revolve around them…or more importantly, might not WANT to revolve around them, even for fifteen minutes. So I have given up on my attempts to edit the opening of Chapter 4. That chapter will have to sit idle for a little while longer. Probably until September. Or, realistically speaking considering the fact that there is to be an ongoing teacher’s strike into the fall, until November. Months to go […]

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Square One…Again

And here you go, my new blog. I have another one on another blog site. A site I can’t seem to access due to an inability to log into my account. It’s flyingafargo.blogspot.ca (in case you were interested and wanted to see that yes, indeed, I have done this before even if it was rather unsuccessful), and I had made quite a few posts. Some I really liked. And now, I have to start again. I’ll probably start cutting and pasting or linking to those blogs, when I figure out how to do that. The problem is, when you take someone like me (completely technologically useless) and start over on a new blog, try to get followers (not that I had many before, I think I had about, oh, 6?) and try to make it interesting, it usually ends up being a rather half-assed attempt at something that no one really wants to read. Because I have no idea what I’m doing, nor do I know how to get noticed or followers. And isn’t that why everyone writes a blog? To get noticed? Lets be honest, if I was just doing this for myself, I would continue to write in my journal. But it’s not just for me. Wait a minute, okay, it is technically for me in that the outcome is pretty selfish. To get read, noticed, known, and hopefully build some kind of career. So, yes, this is for me. But […]

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