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Oh Monday, my Love

“You never know how much you love something until it’s gone.” “You never know what you had until you’ve lost it.” “You can’t appreciate what you’ve got until you no longer have it.” And so on, and so on. That can be such a depressing quote, or, it is so often used in sad situations. When a loved one dies, when a relationship is over, when the world ends and you no longer have the amenities of modern living. Or, like us this weekend, no power or water for 5 hours at -35. But it can also be so uplifting because you can truly appreciate the thing you love so much more when you get it back (assuming it can come back, so obviously I’m not talking about death or the apocalypse right now. Although, even that is open for discussion. Just not here, today.) Like, you forget how amazing a cold glass of water can taste until you’ve hiked through the desert for hours with an empty canteen. Or you forget how much you love your dog until he comes bounding up at you like he’s been waiting his whole lifetime for you, even if you’ve only been gone fifteen minutes. Or you forget how truly amazing air conditioning is until you’ve spent several hours at 40 degrees (celcius) with 100% humidity. In those cases, that quote can be pretty amazing. When you remember how much you really did love it. Like […]

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A Rather Unexpected Wake Up Call

I sat down to write this morning, or just now, and was caught up listening to the new Christmas playlist I’d made. So I figured, instead of working on my novel, I’d take the time to enjoy the music a little and write a blog instead. And then up came Chuck Wendig’s blog post of the morning and it left me so completely…well, I don’t even know. I’m sitting here stunned. Moved. You know that feeling when someone says something that stops you from continuing on as the ignoramus that you were?  It like you were all happy and ready to move forward, tail in hand, direct line established and then someone walks up, puts a blindfold around your eyes, spins you around about fifteen times and then pushes you forward saying, “There, go find the tail on that donkey now!” That’s how I feel. Like he spun me around just enough to lose my bearings. To take this life I’m living, that I think I’m pretty okay with, and make me wonder if I’m not seeing things clearly enough. And I take a great deal of pride in the fact that I try to see the world pretty equally, that I try to see things from both sides, have empathy for others. But then you read something like that and wonder, “Am I doing enough?” “Do I really see things from all sides?” “When have I been close-minded and too privileged […]

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The Crushing Pain of Conforming, aka, The Terrible Task of Parenting a Savage

Okay, this is one of those blogs, that inevitable one where a parent must write about their child. This is that one, I think. I’m never really sure until I get to the end. This morning I was packing my son’s backpack and found his homework sheet that he’d (ahem, finally!) remembered to bring home from school. At first I got ready to get angry at him because I thought he’d forgotten again, that this was last week’s homework sheet and he’d forgotten to bring home the current one for the third time. Why? Because it was completed. Every blank space was filled in. Every math question answered. He had nothing to do but review. Whaaaaaaaaaat?!?! This is not normal for my son. Homework is a struggle. School is a struggle. Sitting down for five goddamn minutes and paying attention to anything is a struggle. Except Lego and Video Games. He’s got that mastered to an art of hours-long mind-numbing focus. Which is why I don’t think he’s ADHD. And why he’s not medicated. But also why some days I really wish he was if only to make the struggle that is school a little easier. Why must school just be something to survive? To get through? Why must I dread going to pick up my son and facing the teacher to hear of the daily transgressions and messes he has accomplished while let loose among 29 other 7-year-olds who are […]

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My Enlightened Shadow-Side

So I was listening to a meditation this morning (no, don’t worry, I’m not going to get all enlightened on you. For one, I don’t know how. For two, well, just refer back to one) and it talked about opening up to our dark sides, the areas of our lives we’d rather not look at…our Shadow-Side. And in doing so, we would be modeling a way for others in bringing our darkness into the light. And I thought to myself, I do that all the time! Look at me, I’m an enlightened soul! Okay, not so much. But it did get me thinking a little and wondering why exactly I feel so compelled to point out my flaws, my screw ups, my stupid assumptions all over facebook and now on this blog. And when it comes down to it, I write it because those are the funny bits. Those are the parts of my life that make me laugh (and this is all about me remember, so if it makes ME laugh, I’m putting it on here. Who cares about you! Okay, I’m kidding. I couldn’t even let that go without a disclaimer. Definitely an overactive need-to-please gland…). But getting back to things: my flaws, my screw ups, those are what makes me, well, me. They’re what make me quirky and funny and sometimes annoying and sometimes endearing, depending who you talk to. And isn’t that true for all of us? […]

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Huxley

Did anyone else catch the not so commonly used expression I used at the end of my last blog post? I sure as hell didn’t. As far as I was concerned, there are red-bellied cowards. Aren’t they the only kind? Yeah, until I was informed that the saying is yellow-bellied…Yellow! Whoops. But my screw up makes sense if you know me. I am the type of person who counts eggs before they hatch, not chickens, because why would you count chickens? Just as you should not keep all those aforementioned eggs in one basket. Or, in my case, do not keep all your fish in one basket. Because, who doesn’t keep their fish in baskets? Yes, that’s right. I said that. I have also hit the hammer on the nail and the head on the hammer, things have cost me an arm and a foot, I have barked up the wrong forest, I have beat around the roses,  I have seen the tiger in the room, not an elephant, because really, how could an elephant even get through the door? All of these and more have acquired me the nickname Huxley, for those of you who can even remember that movie (If you don’t, go watch it, it’s so good! If you like that kind of thing. Again, that’s only my opinion.). Demolition Man, circa 1993, with Sylvestor Stallone and Sandra Bullock, who plays this do-gooder cop who loves all the phrases and expressions […]

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Into the Belly of A Doughnut, or, Randi Jo is a Big Fat Coward

For lack of a better way to put this, I have had some major sinus problems lately. Like stuffy, runny nose all. the. time. Like for months (yes, this problem makes me revert to teen-speak, like, it’s that bad). Really though, it’s driving me crazy. I practically had a trip to Mexico planned to have my teeth removed and implants put in because my top teeth hurt so bad until my dentist suggested the pain may be from my sinuses and not the fact that I have the teeth of a baby inside my adult head. Not only did I nearly have perfectly good body parts removes because of my stuffy nose, but I’m starting to look like the Living Walking Dead, by which I mean my skin is not rotting and peeling off my body and I can mostly walk in a functional manner, but my eyes are so black I could pass as a zombie. At one point a friend saw me without undereye makeup and shrieked, “Do you have a blood disorder?” Yeah, it was lovely. Finally having enough of this, I decided to go back to the doctor and whine and complain until he decided to finally do something about this (besides giving me some kind of nasal spray that felt like tiny darts impaling themselves across the front of my forehead). He sent me for a CT scan. I have never had a CT scan before and I […]

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Shouting Into the Void

I have not published a blog in a long time. And when it comes down to it, my blog posts have been very few. This was because I had it in my head that I needed to be witty, or funny, or informative in order to follower in the footsteps of other bloggers and write something that others wanted to actually read. Like those blogs that teach you things, or help inspire you to live a better life, or are expertly written to provide its followers with a plethora of information they would not have received otherwise. I am not an expert…on anything. Neither am I particularly witty, funny, or intelligent (I’m not stupid, but I am rather average. Nothing special there), I  just happen to like words and the sound of my own voice. So instead of waiting for some kind of theme to thread its way through my posts, I’ve decided to go on without one. This will now become my platform to yell into the void, to shout at the universe all the words jumbling about inside my head. Take it or leave it, but this is what it has to be. I am a writer and I just want to write. Follow me or don’t follow me, I will continue my cries! Which leaves me with nothing. Nothing except my visit to the dentist this morning. Ah! And that’s when you all leave. Because who wants to hear about anyone’s visit to the […]

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Why the Hell Do I Do This?

The writing life is hard. Being a writer is a lonely job. Getting published is almost impossible. Ways to avoid the slush pile. Agents decline hundreds of queries each week. Who do you think you are? All of these are just tiny snippets of thoughts that run through my head every single time I sit down at my computer. And then, if I look to writing books and blogs as inspiration, I again meet those same arguments and worse. There is nothing I have ever come across in my readings on writing and the writing life that have been totally positive. No one has said, “We are so excited you want to be a writer! It’s a great life and a great journey and everything comes up roses!” Why is that? Why is this such a negative industry to get your start in? Because it is, I guess. I mean, I’ve barely brushed the surface. A few blog entries, another blog I can’t seem to figure out how to connect to this one from years ago, unfinished manuscripts, finished but terrible manuscripts, many book ideas and starts, tand two rejections until I decided to quit, only because I went back to find that my book was not ready, not even near ready and so the editing has begun. Editing that does not ever seem like it will be done. Editing that one day is great, where I read a chapter and […]

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Hopeless

So, I sat down to write a blog about digs. Not archaeological digs or wellsite digs, but personal ones. You know, those little comments and jabs that get put out there by people to cut you down but that are too subtle or quiet or twisted to be able to actually call them on the insult. But then something happened. What, you ask? It’s embarrassing, but I forgot the website of my blog. Can you believe it? Yes. I’m that much of an idiot that I forgot my very own blog’s website. That’s what happens when you start something then take three weeks off (for holidays, caring of children, laziness, summer… all the stuff that gets in the way of what you really want to do). And the funny thing is, the dig I got this morning was from a woman who was making some kind of comment on how I was put together and ready to go this morning. Ha! If she only knew! And that’s the problem, isn’t it? We don’t know. We never know. It is impossible to truly know what is happening inside another person and yet, we judge them. Why else would we make those little digs to cut them down but to try to make ourselves feel better for the perceived inadequacies that some part of another person has helped bring to the surface. That woman was bitter and jealous at me because I, […]

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