Why the Loss of Chris Cornell Broke My Heart

Just as I sat down to write this post, my most favorite male singing voice of all-time cut through my thoughts to tell me that, “To be yourself is all that you can do.” Was it more than he could do? Was being himself, being Chris Cornell, the man who wrote those lyrics, whose voice will be forever stuck in my head because I’ve never heard another like it, too much? It’s not up to me to wonder. It’s not up to me to make assumptions about why or how he died. I really didn’t know the guy. All I knew was his voice, his songs, from the time Black Hole Sun was being played at bush parties in highschool, to when I had every single word of his debut Audioslave album memorized, to now, when I find myself crying because a man I didn’t know, who had no idea who the hell I am, has died. “Drown me slowly,” that’s what I hear now. Maybe that is more appropriate for the occasion, maybe those lyrics are easier to handle right now while I’m trying to understand why my heart is breaking for someone I did not know but who touched me so deeply. The world has lost an incredible voice, and what’s worse, the articles are declaring it suicide. Suicide. This man, whose songs could cut straight to your heart, felt the only way to continue on was to not. I mean, isn’t that […]

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Marriage: What is it Good For?

“What would you do if I weren’t here?” That is what my husband asks me as he stares at the tower of containers of old/expired leftovers I left on the counter for him. “Well, obviously I’d throw them away,” I reply. “But you’re here, so I don’t have to.” I grin. He shakes his head, hiding a smile, and I know I’ve won. […]

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Out With Expectation

This morning I was sitting in my chair in my little corner of my office, journaling. Sometimes I just randomly write down my thoughts and other times I puzzle through things that are bothering me. Today, it was the latter. I was trying to figure out why I’d been so frustrated and angry and disappointed and upset lately (yes, I know, I sound like I’ve just been a ton o’ fun, well, here’s a shocker: I haven’t). This morning I was going through all the things that I’d been promised, assured of, or even hoped for, that I knew were never going to happen. Yes, I was wallowing in self-pity, but I was upset. No, disappointed, because I’d gotten my hopes up for things that I knew just weren’t going to happen. Things that I’d now either have to figure out how to do myself (in some cases, a long shot but not impossible) or just give up on entirely. So then, I asked myself. If these were things that I cannot fix or change or build or adjust, if these things I wanted were outside my power to bring to fruition, did I want to sit here and let it make me miserable or did I want to figure out a way to move on from it. I was putting all my eggs in someone else’s basket waiting for them to do it for me instead of seeing what was […]

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Everyone Has a Mountain

My son came home from his karate class the other day and I asked him how it was. His response was a grumbly, “It was hard.” To which I replied, “And we all know you don’t like to do anything hard.” He looked at me, a little stunned by my bitchiness and I replied, “Well, you were practicing your violin today and […]

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